
He is always telling me what to do. I never get my way -- it is always his way or no way. I am thinking about leaving him, but I have nowhere to go. I have no job and no place to stay. We have a child together, so I have to provide for him, too. Do you think I have grounds to leave, or should I try to work things out? -- Kept Down IN MASSACHUSETTS
Hey Kept Down: Make a list of your husband's bank account numbers, Social Security number, driver's license number and his assets. Get a job and start banking your wages in your name only. Then offer your husband the option of marriage counseling.
If he refuses, point out that it would be cheaper for him than alimony. If he still refuses, please try to figure out why you have tolerated living with someone like him for so long in the first place.
And by the way, your hubby is required by pay child support. An attorney can advise you about whether you have "grounds" to end the marriage. No matter what stay firm and stand strong; in the eyes of the court, the woman usually has the upper hand in marrital disputes.
I need help. I have a problem. I am a very depressed person and to cure my depression I shop. I shop excessively and spend way too much -- sometimes all of our money -- and I don't know how to stop. Shopping makes me feel better about myself, and when I'm depressed (which is often), I go out shopping for stuff I don't even need. I have even started shopping online for stuff. I feel happy at first but then after realizing how much money I've spent I end up feeling horrible. Scott and I have tried separate bank accounts, but when I'd run low I would just tap into his or use credit cards which he ultimately ends up paying for. Please help me. I don't know what to do. -- SHOP-A-HOLIC IN HAVERFORD, PA.
Hey SHOP-A-HOLIC: Just stop shopping. Take inventory of what you have and what you don't. The only things you should be shopping for right now are necessities. You are substituting purchases for something else that's missing in your life. Get a hobby that takes up your time. Get involved with something that your children enjoy. Trying to cure your long-term depression by going on a shopping spree is like taking an Aspirin for a broken arm. You can't just subside this depression you have to treat it so you can maybe rid yourself of it.
Use the money you blow on shopping for a visit to see your physician who can give you medication to lift the depression, perhaps if the depression is severe you should talk to a therapist or get counseling for your underlying problem. You cannot treat this alone and doing it by shopping is just going to put your boyfriend into debt and could cause problems within the household. Please get some medical help. Pharmaceutical companies have made strides in medications to treat depression. See which one works best for you.