ranjbrown.com

Hey Ranj: I’m engaged to a man, “Brad”, who’s been married twice. He has a child by each of his ex-wives. He has been divorced from his first wife, “Rose”, for five years. They have a good friendly relationship. Whenever they drop off or pick up their 7-year-old son, they spend at least 20 to 30 minutes talking. When I go along with him, he leaves me in the car while he goes in to talk with Rose. He can't seem to understand why I get upset. He thinks I’m jealous, and I am not. I'm actually glad he has a good relationship with Rose because he doesn't have a good relationship with his second wife, “Cindy”. They're always arguing over their 3-year-old. Ranj, I’m having second thoughts about Brad. Do you think I should rethink my marriage to him? He is a great guy and I love him, but I don’t know if I can be with him for the rest of my life. The situation with his ex-wives is becoming bothersome. – Left to Wait, Peoria, IL

Hey Left to Wait, Only you can answer that question. When you got engaged to Brad, you were aware that he was a man with a history. You knew he had 2 children from 2 different mothers. It’s not really fair to him to back out now, but also it’s not fair to you to be in a relationship that you are not comfortable with. In my opinion, it is rude and inconsiderate to keep someone waiting, especially if it is for more than 15 minutes. However, you know that you’ll be waiting when you go so, you what to expect, I suggest you take a book or a magazine with you. It will lessen the boredom. He probably doesn’t invite you to come in because both you and “Rose” would probably feel awkward and he’s just saving you from that. I doubt that he’s doing anything to lose your trust. If I was in Brad’s shoes I would ask you to wait in the car too. His ex-wives will always be the mothers of his children, and this is something that you have to accept. If the situation with Brad and his ex-wives is upsetting you that much, a long talk or even premarital counseling might help you and Brad resolve this issue before you get to the altar.