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Hey Ranj: I am a 34-year-old female. I have been dating this guy I'll call "Frank" for more than two years. He never told me he had anyone else. But one day he let it slip that he had been living with this woman, "Shelly," for more than 5 years.

I'm not the type to break up a home. Had I known, I never would have dated him. By the time I found out, I was in love with Frank, and he said he felt the same about me.

I never knew exactly where Frank lived or had his home phone number, but I did have his cell phone number. Whenever I'd call, it was either turned off or he wouldn't answer. Finally, I called information and got his home number, but I have never used it.

Now, two years later, we have a child together. None of his family members know about our little girl. He says he does not want anyone to know right now -- especially Shelly. He says she would leave him, take half his belongings and sue him for alimony.

He has given me less than $360 in child support since I gave birth. Frank says if I sue him for child support, things will get nasty. He says he will make my life a living hell. I hardly ever see him anymore. What is a woman supposed to do? I think he's afraid of Shelly. I want to sue him for child support, and I have the papers filled out and sealed, but haven't mailed them yet for fear of what Frank might do. Please help me. -- Distraught in Exton, NJ

 

 

Hey Distraught: Frankly my dear, Frank is a deadbeat dad and you should tell his wife, Shelly, (and it IS his wife) everything. It's not fair to you or your daughter to keep her a secret. You should have suspected that Frank was married before having a child with him. There were many flashing red lights in your romance -- the first ones being that you didn't know where he lived and his unwillingness to give you a working phone number. That's when you should have refused to become further involved.

 

Mail those papers you filled out to the court RIGHT NOW. Do it for your little girl, because it's the only way her deadbeat dad will recognize and be responsible for her. Do not be afraid of Frank making you life a living hell because you can easily get a restraining order. You should consult a lawyer about his threats and make sure to report them to the authorities anyway. During this entire time he has thought only about himself. Frank gives good fathers and men a bad name. He doesn't deserve any leiniency. You should have told Shelly long ago. Now send those papers and get ready to take his deadbeat ass to court.