ranjbrown.com

Okay, I'm going to be brutally honest with myself and my readers. I haven't given advice in quite some time because the truth is no one has asked for any. This is probably because no one ever visits this site because I don't want to pay for advertising and therefore, no one knows about the site. If anyone does ever read this please ask a question. I have changed my profession and moved from Philadelphia to a more rural region in upstate New York. My new job is more demanding but I do still have ample time to give advice so if I this does reach anyone in internet land PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ask me for some advice.

Hey Ranj,
I hope you have time to read and respond to my letter becasue I really need your advice.  You see, I met this super awesome guy! He is smart, funny, really nice and super sexy! I think he is perfect
A minor inconvenience is that I live in Arizona and he lives in NY, but I just booked a ticket to go visit him at the end of March.  I'm planning to go to a party with him as his date, which is GREAT and I'm really excited about it, but I just looked at the RSVP list and this guy named Steve is on it.  It's a long story, but the bottom line is that now I'm nervous and afraid to go to the party because I don't want to run into Steve.  What should I do? -Slightly scared in Scottsdale

Hey Slightly scared,
If this guy is "super awesome" then he should be able to think something out. Perhaps he can contact the party organizer and arrange something. If this guy is trully perfect then he should be able to work this problem out for you. Tell him your situation and let he take control of it. Have faith in him. I'm sure he can come up with a solution to your problem.
 
As for the long distance inconvenience, I suspect that in time, if you both really want to be with each other, you'll both find a way to be together. 

Hey Ranj: My husband doesn't support anything I do anymore. He thinks I am always wrong, no matter what the situation is. He never takes my part in any circumstance. He took the neighbors' part after an argument that led to me calling the police. He told the neighbors that I was wrong to do it. He has made me look like a fool to the whole neighborhood.

He is always telling me what to do. I never get my way -- it is always his way or no way. I am thinking about leaving him, but I have nowhere to go. I have no job and no place to stay. We have a child together, so I have to provide for him, too. Do you think I have grounds to leave, or should I try to work things out? -- Kept Down IN MASSACHUSETTS

Hey Kept Down: Make a list of your husband's bank account numbers, Social Security number, driver's license number and his assets. Get a job and start banking your wages in your name only. Then offer your husband the option of marriage counseling.

If he refuses, point out that it would be cheaper for him than alimony. If he still refuses, please try to figure out why you have tolerated living with someone like him for so long in the first place.

And by the way, your hubby is required by pay child support. An attorney can advise you about whether you have "grounds" to end the marriage. No matter what stay firm and stand strong; in the eyes of the court, the woman usually has the upper hand in marrital disputes.

Here's How to Make Your Own Sports Drinks

First things first:

There are several sports drinks that are marketed to the athletic
community; Gatorade & Powerade being the 2 biggest. They are often
called thirst quenchers or electrolyte enhancers. Simple put, they
are basically diluted solutions of glucose, potassium, sodium
chloride, citric acid and artificial sweetener.

Keep in mind these drinks were originally designed for athletes,
however, they are marketed to anyone who 'gets thirsty' and they
come in a variety of flavor. Some are carbonated and now some have
added vitamins and/or minerals such as Vitamin C.

Sports drinks are designed to replace electrolytes and water lost
in perspirations during sports activities. One study suggested that
the electrolytes were more rapidly absorbed into the body than
water. Also, keep in mind, that depending on the brand, 200-300
calories could come from the sugar.

The sodium and potassium in sports drinks are valuable. However,
you will have to drink about 32 ounces to supply your body the
equivalent of one gram of salt. So, this means that the normal
intake of salt in your diet is sufficient if you sweat mild to
moderately. If you sweat heavy and very often, you should consume
potassium-rich foods every day or drink a sports drink that
contains potassium. A banana or ½ a cantaloupe are great fruits
containing rich amounts of potassium.

Remember, potassium is a mineral salt (or an electrolyte) and
potassium is essential for maintaining the balance of pH levels in
our body fluids.

To make your own sports drink here is all you do:

Combine 32 ounces of water, ½ teaspoon of iodized salt and a little
sugar. You can also add some lemon or ginger for flavoring.

It's really that simple. You can make it at home and it will cost
you pennies to do so.

Hey Ranj: I am a 30-year-old stay-at-home mom with three kids. Two are my fiance "Scott's"; the youngest is ours together. Scott and I have been together almost six years.

I need help. I have a problem. I am a very depressed person and to cure my depression I shop. I shop excessively and spend way too much -- sometimes all of our money -- and I don't know how to stop. Shopping makes me feel better about myself, and when I'm depressed (which is often), I go out shopping for stuff I don't even need. I have even started shopping online for stuff. I feel happy at first but then after realizing how much money I've spent I end up feeling horrible. Scott and I have tried separate bank accounts, but when I'd run low I would just tap into his or use credit cards which he ultimately ends up paying for. Please help me. I don't know what to do. -- SHOP-A-HOLIC IN HAVERFORD, PA.

 

Hey SHOP-A-HOLIC: Just stop shopping. Take inventory of what you have and what you don't. The only things you should be shopping for right now are necessities. You are substituting purchases for something else that's missing in your life. Get a hobby that takes up your time. Get involved with something that your children enjoy. Trying to cure your long-term depression by going on a shopping spree is like taking an Aspirin for a broken arm. You can't just subside this depression you have to treat it so you can maybe rid yourself of it. 

Use the money you blow on shopping for a visit to see your physician who can give you medication to lift the depression, perhaps if the depression is severe you should talk to a therapist or get counseling for your underlying problem. You cannot treat this alone and doing it by shopping is just going to put your boyfriend into debt and could cause problems within the household. Please get some medical help. Pharmaceutical companies have made strides in medications to treat depression. See which one works best for you.

Hey Ranj, I've been messaging back and forth with a girl online for a few months now. She has a lot of photos of herself on a social networking site but, mostly guy friends. And every time I suggest that we chat with a cam, or talk on the phone, or possibly meet for a drink, she says no. Then she disappears for a while. What should I do? -Trying for a date in Syosset, NY

 

Hey Trying, Seriously, online friends who aren't willing to verify their identity--at least with a quick cam chat, or a phone call--are probably about as real as Jenna Jameson's breasts. In real life your online girl is probably an unattractive loser guy that manages to somehow scam people in the long run by convincing them that he is someone that he isn't. I'd demand verification contact or just be done with her.

Hey Ranj, I have been searching online for a long time for a real life relationship. It's mostly why I joined dating sites and other social networks. But my efforts seem hopeless. Should I give up or just wait around and hope there is someone on one of these sites that is worthy of my time and efforts? –Frustrated in Rural Illinois

Hey Frustrated, The world is filled with interesting people, and while you might meet some of them whilst sitting at your computer, spending all your time online in hopes of meeting someone seems futile. If you really wish to meet someone to date, you would be well advised to put down the mouse and be social with non-virtual friends. I know this may seem harsh and you may have no other choice but, living in a rural area isn’t going to help you meet people. So you may have to take some weekend trips to larger city. Even if you meet someone online it’s not likely that they would want to spend a day in the country with someone they’ve never met in person…… unless they’re the outdoorsy type. I don’t think you should give up using dating sites because living in the country restricts you from other opportunities. So, purchase a web cam, spruce up your profiles, and send messages. Guys are, for the most part, lazy and won’t write unless you write them first. Therefore, in order for a country girl like you to be successful on a dating site, you are going to have to be aggressive. I don’t know anything about you but, I’m certain there’s a guy out there for you that is just as lonely as you are. Good luck.

Hey Ranj, I'm having a hard time dealing with an upcoming event. My husband, "Jacob," and our nephews are planning a night out visiting the local all-nude strip club. I walked into the room just as one nephew was inviting him. Ranj, he jumped at the chance! When I asked what they were talking about, Jacob said, "Nothing," and changed the subject.

I don't want him to go. This isn't a new occurrence in our more-than-20-year marriage. After we were married seven years, Jacob came home from work and told me he wanted to be with other women. The men he worked with all had girlfriends on the side and were always talking about how great it was, and my husband thought he was missing something. Since Jacob's sister and young son were living with us at the time, I moved out. Every day he called me at work to see how I was, and on the third day he called, crying, and begged me to come home. He had decided I was what he really wanted.

Ten years later, Jacob had a stress breakdown. While he was in the hospital he confessed that he'd had a two-year affair with a woman he worked with and had paid for her to have an abortion. He said it was over and promised there would be no more women. It was his idea, not mine. I never mentioned the subject again. Now this.

Ranj, I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with this. The "boys' night out" is in three weeks. I have decided to tell Jacob that I wish he wouldn't go -- not can't go -- and leave the decision up to him. Am I just a jealous wife, or insecure, or unreasonable? -- Insecure in New Jersey

Hey Insecure, I'd say you're insecure with good reason. Your husband has admitted a history of infidelity, and it didn't help matters that when you asked what the men were talking about, he said "Nothing". You don't appear to be any more jealous than a reasonable person would be. Don't be afraid to air your feelings about his behavior, past and present, when you tell him you wish he wouldn't go. Considering his past, the request is understandable.

Hey Ranj,

What is my problem? I just don't trust anyone! And although on occasion I indulge people with an occasional instant messenger conversation, I have never had the courage to actually do the date thing. Heartbroken, used, and screwed over too many times maybe?? Am I just bitter or maybe it is an overgrown fear of commitment?- Patricia, Cincinnati, OH

 

Hi Patricia,

You obviously have a lack of trust. Perhaps it's warranted. Most normal people tend to lose trust once they’ve been burned by trusting someone. Being cautious is wiser than meeting every Tom, Dick, and Hairy Dick who asks you out on a date. But, if you've met someone online and known them for some period of time, and if you've had some means to verify their identity (web-cams, chatting and online profiles for example), why not stop chatting online and meet him in person for some coffee or a drink?