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Hey Ranj, I've been messaging back and forth with a girl online for a few months now. She has a lot of photos of herself on a social networking site but, mostly guy friends. And every time I suggest that we chat with a cam, or talk on the phone, or possibly meet for a drink, she says no. Then she disappears for a while. What should I do? -Trying for a date in Syosset, NY

 

Hey Trying, Seriously, online friends who aren't willing to verify their identity--at least with a quick cam chat, or a phone call--are probably about as real as Jenna Jameson's breasts. In real life your online girl is probably an unattractive loser guy that manages to somehow scam people in the long run by convincing them that he is someone that he isn't. I'd demand verification contact or just be done with her.

Hey Ranj, I have been searching online for a long time for a real life relationship. It's mostly why I joined dating sites and other social networks. But my efforts seem hopeless. Should I give up or just wait around and hope there is someone on one of these sites that is worthy of my time and efforts? –Frustrated in Rural Illinois

Hey Frustrated, The world is filled with interesting people, and while you might meet some of them whilst sitting at your computer, spending all your time online in hopes of meeting someone seems futile. If you really wish to meet someone to date, you would be well advised to put down the mouse and be social with non-virtual friends. I know this may seem harsh and you may have no other choice but, living in a rural area isn’t going to help you meet people. So you may have to take some weekend trips to larger city. Even if you meet someone online it’s not likely that they would want to spend a day in the country with someone they’ve never met in person…… unless they’re the outdoorsy type. I don’t think you should give up using dating sites because living in the country restricts you from other opportunities. So, purchase a web cam, spruce up your profiles, and send messages. Guys are, for the most part, lazy and won’t write unless you write them first. Therefore, in order for a country girl like you to be successful on a dating site, you are going to have to be aggressive. I don’t know anything about you but, I’m certain there’s a guy out there for you that is just as lonely as you are. Good luck.

Hey Ranj, I'm having a hard time dealing with an upcoming event. My husband, "Jacob," and our nephews are planning a night out visiting the local all-nude strip club. I walked into the room just as one nephew was inviting him. Ranj, he jumped at the chance! When I asked what they were talking about, Jacob said, "Nothing," and changed the subject.

I don't want him to go. This isn't a new occurrence in our more-than-20-year marriage. After we were married seven years, Jacob came home from work and told me he wanted to be with other women. The men he worked with all had girlfriends on the side and were always talking about how great it was, and my husband thought he was missing something. Since Jacob's sister and young son were living with us at the time, I moved out. Every day he called me at work to see how I was, and on the third day he called, crying, and begged me to come home. He had decided I was what he really wanted.

Ten years later, Jacob had a stress breakdown. While he was in the hospital he confessed that he'd had a two-year affair with a woman he worked with and had paid for her to have an abortion. He said it was over and promised there would be no more women. It was his idea, not mine. I never mentioned the subject again. Now this.

Ranj, I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with this. The "boys' night out" is in three weeks. I have decided to tell Jacob that I wish he wouldn't go -- not can't go -- and leave the decision up to him. Am I just a jealous wife, or insecure, or unreasonable? -- Insecure in New Jersey

Hey Insecure, I'd say you're insecure with good reason. Your husband has admitted a history of infidelity, and it didn't help matters that when you asked what the men were talking about, he said "Nothing". You don't appear to be any more jealous than a reasonable person would be. Don't be afraid to air your feelings about his behavior, past and present, when you tell him you wish he wouldn't go. Considering his past, the request is understandable.

Hey Ranj,

What is my problem? I just don't trust anyone! And although on occasion I indulge people with an occasional instant messenger conversation, I have never had the courage to actually do the date thing. Heartbroken, used, and screwed over too many times maybe?? Am I just bitter or maybe it is an overgrown fear of commitment?- Patricia, Cincinnati, OH

 

Hi Patricia,

You obviously have a lack of trust. Perhaps it's warranted. Most normal people tend to lose trust once they’ve been burned by trusting someone. Being cautious is wiser than meeting every Tom, Dick, and Hairy Dick who asks you out on a date. But, if you've met someone online and known them for some period of time, and if you've had some means to verify their identity (web-cams, chatting and online profiles for example), why not stop chatting online and meet him in person for some coffee or a drink?

Hey Ranj: I have been dating my boyfriend for three years. I'm only 18. A couple months ago, I moved out of my parents' home so I could move in with him. Now I miss my mom and dad, but I don't want to tell my boyfriend. What should I do? -- Missing My Parents in Rochelle, IL

 

Hey Missing: You have a right to your feelings, and you're shouldn't keep them hidden from your boyfriend. Good communication is key to a good relationship. You also have a right to change your mind. Perhaps, you weren't ready to move in with a boy. You are only 18 and you should be concentrating on your education and future. Consider this a valuable lesson. Explain to your boyfriend that you want to go back to your parents. If he wants to stay with you then he should be understanding. A woman should have the skills to be financially independent before moving in with a mate.

I was checking out an old issue of Boing Boing and I came across this article on Ayahuasca, a plant in the Amazon forest. The Ayahuasca plant is made into a tea that Shamans can use it for spiritual healing. There is a site dedicated to this medicinal “spirit vine”. The site is Ayahuasca.com and it has everything you need to know about this mystical plant.

Yes, I do want to try it.

Yes, it's active season for everybody's favorite arthropod, scutigera coleoptrata, aka the house centipede. One of these bad boys scuttled across my bathroom floor just last night. My cats, which were born in the South and are still somewhat disappointed by Minnesota's distinct lack of huntable palmetto bugs, think this is great. I'm less enthused. But I figure that when life hands you horrifying household pests, the least it can do is make them interesting.

With that in mind, I present:
Four Facts You Didn't Realize You Wanted To Know About That Thing Living Behind Your Toilet

1.Scutigera Coleoptrata are Not Your Fault
Stop beating yourself up. Unlike, say, cockroaches, house centipedes aren't hanging around because you didn't clean the kitchen. At least, not directly. Scutigera coleoptrata feed on spiders and insects--they're actually pretty beneficial if you're willing to do the devil's arithmetic here and decide that you'd rather have one fast-moving centipede than a colony of roaches. That said, leaving crumbs and half-eaten sandwiches about does create a nice environment for s. coleoptrata's food to grow in. So it might not hurt to clean.

2. Scutigera Coleoptrata are Efficient
They're actually capable of eating several other bugs at once, noshing on one meal while holding onto another with one of their 30 legs. They usually hunt at night, waiting for prey to get close enough that they can jump onto it, lasso it in, or whip it into submission.

3. Scutigera Coleoptrata are Not a Toy
House centipedes do their hunting via a set of venomous front legs. The good news: They won't come looking to start a fight with you and, most of the time, even if you do egg them into attacking, they won't be able to break your skin barrier. The bad news: That's only most of the time. S. coleoptrata has apparently successfully stung humans before. Not life-threatening, it's supposed to feel a lot like a bee sting.

4. Scutigera Coleoptrata Will Not Forget This
Unlike a lot of household pests that can be expected to die shortly after breeding, s. coleoptrata can live as long as seven years. There's a distinct possibility they've been in your house longer than you have. During that time, they can grow to be as big as 1.75 in. long. Unsurprisingly, getting rid of them isn't easy. Sticky traps are often recommended, but the house centipede can escape those by simply breaking off the stuck legs and growing them back later.

Photo courtesy Kenta Hayashi

This article was stolen from Boing Boing.

HEY RANJ, HOW DO I MAKE THE TRANSITION FROM THE MARRIED LIFE TO THE SINGLE LIFE AND MEET NEW WOMAN?????HELP ME OUT BRO!!!! -JEREMY IN JOHNSTOWN, NY

Hey Jeremy,

I want you to realize that I'm writing this to you as if I don't know you, so my other readers can gain from the advice, so these tips for transitioning should work for anyone, but they may have to be a little adjusted for your situation.

Transitioning from married to single life is a bit harder than most may think. When someone loses a spouse through death, divorce, or separation that loss can be devastating. A period of mourning follows, even in the case of divorce or separation, because of not fulfilling the dreams they had for the relationship. However there comes a time when life has to begin again, and many singles feel lost in making this transition. The full time required to make this transition successfully is about a year. That is a realistic figure; some may be able to do it sooner and for some the transition may take longer.

Here is how the average person should make the transition:

1. Get to know yourself.

   When a couple has been together for a while, the choices they make on where to have dinner, how to decorate their home, their personal choice in clothing, or other decisions are usually made together. After a separation, each person may not know his or her own likes and dislikes. Take some time to try new things. Learn your favorite foods, what hobbies you enjoy, where you like to go for dining or entertainment. This can be a time of experimentation and can be enjoyable. You will find that many of the things you’ve always done may not have been your own personal choice.

2. Give yourself time.

   Therapists recommend a minimum of one year after a separation to get grounded as a person and avoid rebound relationships. A year is only a guideline. Like I said previously, some people may need longer in order to feel they have gotten themselves grounded. Be patient with yourself and don’t rush things. Rebound relationships are not fair to you or the person you rebound with. I'm not saying you can't go out and have fun; just be sure that you don't jump into any serious relationships until you are sure that you are over your ex-spouse.

3. Keep some good friends around you.

   Many newly single people join a divorce recovery group and that is the first interaction they have with others as a single person. Personally, I think just hanging with good friends will suffice. It can be helpful to find new friends you can interact with too, whether it’s a poker night, www.whydrinkalone.com, fantasy sports, book club, or whatever you like. Getting out there and getting involved with other people will help you move forward in your life.

4. Have fun.

   Life is different single but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun and fulfilling. More and more people today choose to remain single, and really enjoy the single lifestyle. They list advantages such as not having to ask someone how to spend their money, eating whenever they feel like it and not on someone else’s schedule, and simply doing as they please! Think of the good things that being single has done for you. Take time to enjoy yourself and laugh often. Laughter really is good medicine.

5. When you feel you are ready to date, take it slow and easy.

   Single people often complain that dating has changed and they don’t know the new rules. The only rules are to do what feels comfortable for you. You don’t have to conform for anyone. Be yourself and be true to yourself. Sure you can go out and mess around, but be careful that people don't get hurt; and then when your ready to settle again things should just fall into place.

By easing through the transition from being half of a couple to being single, you give yourself time to make a life that is happy and fulfilling. Be patient with yourself and you just might find you like being single!

So we have this whole swine flu pandemic sweeping across the world. A human to human disease that is aimed at the gregarious and social people throughout the world. How does the best health professionals tell you to prevent from catching this potentially deadly virus? They say to continuously wash your hands and avoid human to human contact so, that being said, if the pandemic virus does reach enormous proportions the survivors will mainly consist of shut ins and introverts that don't get any human contact. It's kinda ironic. Well, as I patiently wait for people to ask for advice I am also considering other ideas for a website because obviously this one is not doing so well.

Here is an enjoyable rant from Seth Godin's Blog:

Might as well panic

So yes, today is my 35th birthday. Many of you don't care and I wouldn't either, however, for my friends that are reading this, if you want to give me a free gift, this is my suggestion. Join my social network site: www.whydrinkalone.com. I'm trying to get at least 35 new members for my 35th birthday. It's free and easy to join so even if you don't drink, create a profile because you know me. If you already have a profile then invite a friend. It's not asking for much. So help me get what I really want for my birthday: 35 new members.

Thank you.