Ranj's Blog

Inconveniences are holding me back from what I want

Randall — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 01:36:00 GMT

Hey Ranj,
I hope you have time to read and respond to my letter becasue I really need your advice. You see, I met this super awesome guy! He is smart, funny, really nice and super sexy! I think he is perfect
A minor inconvenience is that I live in Arizona and he lives in NY, but I just booked a ticket to go visit him at the end of March. I'm planning to go to a party with him as his date, which is GREAT and I'm really excited about it, but I just looked at the RSVP list and this guy named Steve is on it. It's a long story, but the bottom line is that now I'm nervous and afraid to go to the party because I don't want to run into Steve. What should I do? -Slightly scared in Scottsdale

Hey Slightly scared,
If this guy is "super awesome" then he should be able to think something out. Perhaps he can contact the party organizer and arrange something. If this guy is trully perfect then he should be able to work this problem out for you. Tell him your situation and let he take control of it. Have faith in him. I'm sure he can come up with a solution to your problem.

As for the long distance inconvenience, I suspect that in time, if you both really want to be with each other, you'll both find a way to be together.

Let me have a say in things or I'm out.

Randall — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 17:16:00 GMT

Hey Ranj: My husband doesn't support anything I do anymore. He thinks I am always wrong, no matter what the situation is. He never takes my part in any circumstance. He took the neighbors' part after an argument that led to me calling the police. He told the neighbors that I was wrong to do it. He has made me look like a fool to the whole neighborhood.

He is always telling me what to do. I never get my way -- it is always his way or no way. I am thinking about leaving him, but I have nowhere to go. I have no job and no place to stay. We have a child together, so I have to provide for him, too. Do you think I have grounds to leave, or should I try to work things out? -- Kept Down IN MASSACHUSETTS

Hey Kept Down: Make a list of your husband's bank account numbers, Social Security number, driver's license number and his assets. Get a job and start banking your wages in your name only. Then offer your husband the option of marriage counseling.

If he refuses, point out that it would be cheaper for him than alimony. If he still refuses, please try to figure out why you have tolerated living with someone like him for so long in the first place.

And by the way, your hubby is required by pay child support. An attorney can advise you about whether you have "grounds" to end the marriage. No matter what stay firm and stand strong; in the eyes of the court, the woman usually has the upper hand in marrital disputes.

Homemade Sports Drink

Randall — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 17:41:00 GMT

Here's How to Make Your Own Sports Drinks

First things first:

There are several sports drinks that are marketed to the athletic
community; Gatorade & Powerade being the 2 biggest. They are often
called thirst quenchers or electrolyte enhancers. Simple put, they
are basically diluted solutions of glucose, potassium, sodium
chloride, citric acid and artificial sweetener.

Keep in mind these drinks were originally designed for athletes,
however, they are marketed to anyone who 'gets thirsty' and they
come in a variety of flavor. Some are carbonated and now some have
added vitamins and/or minerals such as Vitamin C.

Sports drinks are designed to replace electrolytes and water lost
in perspirations during sports activities. One study suggested that
the electrolytes were more rapidly absorbed into the body than
water. Also, keep in mind, that depending on the brand, 200-300
calories could come from the sugar.

The sodium and potassium in sports drinks are valuable. However,
you will have to drink about 32 ounces to supply your body the
equivalent of one gram of salt. So, this means that the normal
intake of salt in your diet is sufficient if you sweat mild to
moderately. If you sweat heavy and very often, you should consume
potassium-rich foods every day or drink a sports drink that
contains potassium. A banana or ½ a cantaloupe are great fruits
containing rich amounts of potassium.

Remember, potassium is a mineral salt (or an electrolyte) and
potassium is essential for maintaining the balance of pH levels in
our body fluids.

To make your own sports drink here is all you do:

Combine 32 ounces of water, ½ teaspoon of iodized salt and a little
sugar. You can also add some lemon or ginger for flavoring.

It's really that simple. You can make it at home and it will cost
you pennies to do so.

Shopping away the tears is making me feel worse

Randall — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 12:56:00 GMT

Hey Ranj: I am a 30-year-old stay-at-home mom with three kids. Two are my fiance "Scott's"; the youngest is ours together. Scott and I have been together almost six years.

I need help. I have a problem. I am a very depressed person and to cure my depression I shop. I shop excessively and spend way too much -- sometimes all of our money -- and I don't know how to stop. Shopping makes me feel better about myself, and when I'm depressed (which is often), I go out shopping for stuff I don't even need. I have even started shopping online for stuff. I feel happy at first but then after realizing how much money I've spent I end up feeling horrible. Scott and I have tried separate bank accounts, but when I'd run low I would just tap into his or use credit cards which he ultimately ends up paying for. Please help me. I don't know what to do. -- SHOP-A-HOLIC IN HAVERFORD, PA.

Hey SHOP-A-HOLIC: Just stop shopping. Take inventory of what you have and what you don't. The only things you should be shopping for right now are necessities. You are substituting purchases for something else that's missing in your life. Get a hobby that takes up your time. Get involved with something that your children enjoy. Trying to cure your long-term depression by going on a shopping spree is like taking an Aspirin for a broken arm. You can't just subside this depression you have to treat it so you can maybe rid yourself of it.

Use the money you blow on shopping for a visit to see your physician who can give you medication to lift the depression, perhaps if the depression is severe you should talk to a therapist or get counseling for your underlying problem. You cannot treat this alone and doing it by shopping is just going to put your boyfriend into debt and could cause problems within the household. Please get some medical help. Pharmaceutical companies have made strides in medications to treat depression. See which one works best for you.

My boyfriend is in prison so why should I be?

Randall — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 16:19:00 GMT

Hey Ranj, My boyfriend was sentenced to 5 years and is presently incarcerated. He doesn't get released until April 2011. I visit him every so often and I still love him but to be honest I've met someone else that I am falling for. Are there standard rules that apply to my situation? Is it cheating if I continue to see this other guy? Am I expected to wait for my boyfriend to be released. Suppose all this waiting is for nothing and he finds someone else when he gets out. That would mean I've wasted 5 years of my life waiting for someone for nothing. Please help me because I feel like I'm the one that's imprisoned. -Lonely in Hagerstown, MD.

Hey Lonely, You are in a tough situation. You should have to suffer from loneliness because your boyfriend messed up; however, the right thing to do would be to wait for his release. I guess it all depends on how strong your relationship was before he went in. If you feel threatened that he may leave you then that indicates to me that you don't trust him very well. If that is the case then really you shouldn't be forced to wait for him. On the other hand if you had plans of a life together then you should stand by your man. I guess I can't answer this question fairly because I don't know how strong your relationship was. I don't know if there is a standard rule that applies and if there is I'm sure that there is a stipulation when it comes to the time period. If a guy is locked up for a decade, then of course he shouldn't expect his girlfriend to wait (unless there are children involved). You've really stumped me with this but my advice would be to communicate with him and ask him what you expect to do. If you have children then you should just wait a few more years for his release; however, if you don't have children then I'm sure he can manage to find someone else when he is released. BTW, you should check if he has posted his profile on HotPrisonPals.com because if he has then that is a green light for you to move on with this other guy. Good Luck.

Don't be a sucker

Randall — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 14:44:00 GMT

Hey Ranj, I've been messaging back and forth with a girl online for a few months now. She has a lot of photos of herself on a social networking site but, mostly guy friends. And every time I suggest that we chat with a cam, or talk on the phone, or possibly meet for a drink, she says no. Then she disappears for a while. What should I do? -Trying for a date in Syosset, NY

Hey Trying, Seriously, online friends who aren't willing to verify their identity--at least with a quick cam chat, or a phone call--are probably about as real as Jenna Jameson's breasts. In real life your online girl is probably an unattractive loser guy that manages to somehow scam people in the long run by convincing them that he is someone that he isn't. I'd demand verification contact or just be done with her.

Lonely Country Girl

Randall — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 15:53:00 GMT

Hey Ranj, I have been searching online for a long time for a real life relationship. It's mostly why I joined dating sites and other social networks. But my efforts seem hopeless. Should I give up or just wait around and hope there is someone on one of these sites that is worthy of my time and efforts? –Frustrated in Rural Illinois

Hey Frustrated, The world is filled with interesting people, and while you might meet some of them whilst sitting at your computer, spending all your time online in hopes of meeting someone seems futile. If you really wish to meet someone to date, you would be well advised to put down the mouse and be social with non-virtual friends. I know this may seem harsh and you may have no other choice but, living in a rural area isn’t going to help you meet people. So you may have to take some weekend trips to larger city. Even if you meet someone online it’s not likely that they would want to spend a day in the country with someone they’ve never met in person…… unless they’re the outdoorsy type. I don’t think you should give up using dating sites because living in the country restricts you from other opportunities. So, purchase a web cam, spruce up your profiles, and send messages. Guys are, for the most part, lazy and won’t write unless you write them first. Therefore, in order for a country girl like you to be successful on a dating site, you are going to have to be aggressive. I don’t know anything about you but, I’m certain there’s a guy out there for you that is just as lonely as you are. Good luck.

Boy's night out = Wife's night afraid.

Randall — Tue, 26 May 2009 20:13:00 GMT

Hey Ranj, I'm having a hard time dealing with an upcoming event. My husband, "Jacob," and our nephews are planning a night out visiting the local all-nude strip club. I walked into the room just as one nephew was inviting him. Ranj, he jumped at the chance! When I asked what they were talking about, Jacob said, "Nothing," and changed the subject.

I don't want him to go. This isn't a new occurrence in our more-than-20-year marriage. After we were married seven years, Jacob came home from work and told me he wanted to be with other women. The men he worked with all had girlfriends on the side and were always talking about how great it was, and my husband thought he was missing something. Since Jacob's sister and young son were living with us at the time, I moved out. Every day he called me at work to see how I was, and on the third day he called, crying, and begged me to come home. He had decided I was what he really wanted.

Ten years later, Jacob had a stress breakdown. While he was in the hospital he confessed that he'd had a two-year affair with a woman he worked with and had paid for her to have an abortion. He said it was over and promised there would be no more women. It was his idea, not mine. I never mentioned the subject again. Now this.

Ranj, I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with this. The "boys' night out" is in three weeks. I have decided to tell Jacob that I wish he wouldn't go -- not can't go -- and leave the decision up to him. Am I just a jealous wife, or insecure, or unreasonable? -- Insecure in New Jersey

Hey Insecure, I'd say you're insecure with good reason. Your husband has admitted a history of infidelity, and it didn't help matters that when you asked what the men were talking about, he said "Nothing". You don't appear to be any more jealous than a reasonable person would be. Don't be afraid to air your feelings about his behavior, past and present, when you tell him you wish he wouldn't go. Considering his past, the request is understandable.

Rightfully Afraid of Commitment

Randall — Mon, 18 May 2009 00:23:00 GMT

Hey Ranj,

What is my problem? I just don't trust anyone! And although on occasion I indulge people with an occasional instant messenger conversation, I have never had the courage to actually do the date thing. Heartbroken, used, and screwed over too many times maybe?? Am I just bitter or maybe it is an overgrown fear of commitment?- Patricia, Cincinnati, OH

Hi Patricia,

You obviously have a lack of trust. Perhaps it's warranted. Most normal people tend to lose trust once they’ve been burned by trusting someone. Being cautious is wiser than meeting every Tom, Dick, and Hairy Dick who asks you out on a date. But, if you've met someone online and known them for some period of time, and if you've had some means to verify their identity (web-cams, chatting and online profiles for example), why not stop chatting online and meet him in person for some coffee or a drink?

I miss mommy and daddy.

Randall — Wed, 13 May 2009 15:03:00 GMT

Hey Ranj: I have been dating my boyfriend for three years. I'm only 18. A couple months ago, I moved out of my parents' home so I could move in with him. Now I miss my mom and dad, but I don't want to tell my boyfriend. What should I do? -- Missing My Parents in Rochelle, IL

Hey Missing: You have a right to your feelings, and you're shouldn't keep them hidden from your boyfriend. Good communication is key to a good relationship. You also have a right to change your mind. Perhaps, you weren't ready to move in with a boy. You are only 18 and you should be concentrating on your education and future. Consider this a valuable lesson. Explain to your boyfriend that you want to go back to your parents. If he wants to stay with you then he should be understanding. A woman should have the skills to be financially independent before moving in with a mate.

Ayahuasca

Randall — Wed, 06 May 2009 02:38:00 GMT

I was checking out an old issue of Boing Boing and I came across this article on Ayahuasca, a plant in the Amazon forest. The Ayahuasca plant is made into a tea that Shamans can use it for spiritual healing. There is a site dedicated to this medicinal “spirit vine”. The site is Ayahuasca.com and it has everything you need to know about this mystical plant.

Yes, I do want to try it.

Nasty House Centipedes

Randall — Mon, 04 May 2009 13:13:00 GMT

Yes, it's active season for everybody's favorite arthropod, scutigera coleoptrata, aka the house centipede. One of these bad boys scuttled across my bathroom floor just last night. My cats, which were born in the South and are still somewhat disappointed by Minnesota's distinct lack of huntable palmetto bugs, think this is great. I'm less enthused. But I figure that when life hands you horrifying household pests, the least it can do is make them interesting.

With that in mind, I present:
Four Facts You Didn't Realize You Wanted To Know About That Thing Living Behind Your Toilet

1.Scutigera Coleoptrata are Not Your Fault
Stop beating yourself up. Unlike, say, cockroaches, house centipedes aren't hanging around because you didn't clean the kitchen. At least, not directly. Scutigera coleoptrata feed on spiders and insects--they're actually pretty beneficial if you're willing to do the devil's arithmetic here and decide that you'd rather have one fast-moving centipede than a colony of roaches. That said, leaving crumbs and half-eaten sandwiches about does create a nice environment for s. coleoptrata's food to grow in. So it might not hurt to clean.

2. Scutigera Coleoptrata are Efficient
They're actually capable of eating several other bugs at once, noshing on one meal while holding onto another with one of their 30 legs. They usually hunt at night, waiting for prey to get close enough that they can jump onto it, lasso it in, or whip it into submission.

3. Scutigera Coleoptrata are Not a Toy
House centipedes do their hunting via a set of venomous front legs. The good news: They won't come looking to start a fight with you and, most of the time, even if you do egg them into attacking, they won't be able to break your skin barrier. The bad news: That's only most of the time. S. coleoptrata has apparently successfully stung humans before. Not life-threatening, it's supposed to feel a lot like a bee sting.

4. Scutigera Coleoptrata Will Not Forget This
Unlike a lot of household pests that can be expected to die shortly after breeding, s. coleoptrata can live as long as seven years. There's a distinct possibility they've been in your house longer than you have. During that time, they can grow to be as big as 1.75 in. long. Unsurprisingly, getting rid of them isn't easy. Sticky traps are often recommended, but the house centipede can escape those by simply breaking off the stuck legs and growing them back later.

Photo courtesy Kenta Hayashi

This article was stolen from Boing Boing.

Transition from Married to Single life

Randall — Fri, 01 May 2009 12:50:39 GMT

HEY RANJ, HOW DO I MAKE THE TRANSITION FROM THE MARRIED LIFE TO THE SINGLE LIFE AND MEET NEW WOMAN?????HELP ME OUT BRO!!!! -JEREMY IN JOHNSTOWN, NY

Hey Jeremy,

I want you to realize that I'm writing this to you as if I don't know you, so my other readers can gain from the advice, so these tips for transitioning should work for anyone, but they may have to be a little adjusted for your situation.

Transitioning from married to single life is a bit harder than most may think. When someone loses a spouse through death, divorce, or separation that loss can be devastating. A period of mourning follows, even in the case of divorce or separation, because of not fulfilling the dreams they had for the relationship. However there comes a time when life has to begin again, and many singles feel lost in making this transition. The full time required to make this transition successfully is about a year. That is a realistic figure; some may be able to do it sooner and for some the transition may take longer.

Here is how the average person should make the transition:

Get to know yourself.
When a couple has been together for a while, the choices they make on where to have dinner, how to decorate their home, their personal choice in clothing, or other decisions are usually made together. After a separation, each person may not know his or her own likes and dislikes. Take some time to try new things. Learn your favorite foods, what hobbies you enjoy, where you like to go for dining or entertainment. This can be a time of experimentation and can be enjoyable. You will find that many of the things you’ve always done may not have been your own personal choice.
Give yourself time.
Therapists recommend a minimum of one year after a separation to get grounded as a person and avoid rebound relationships. A year is only a guideline. Like I said previously, some people may need longer in order to feel they have gotten themselves grounded. Be patient with yourself and don’t rush things. Rebound relationships are not fair to you or the person you rebound with. I'm not saying you can't go out and have fun; just be sure that you don't jump into any serious relationships until you are sure that you are over your ex-spouse.
Keep some good friends around you.
Many newly single people join a divorce recovery group and that is the first interaction they have with others as a single person. Personally, I think just hanging with good friends will suffice. It can be helpful to find new friends you can interact with too, whether it’s a poker night, www.whydrinkalone.com, fantasy sports, book club, or whatever you like. Getting out there and getting involved with other people will help you move forward in your life.
Have fun.
Life is different single but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun and fulfilling. More and more people today choose to remain single, and really enjoy the single lifestyle. They list advantages such as not having to ask someone how to spend their money, eating whenever they feel like it and not on someone else’s schedule, and simply doing as they please! Think of the good things that being single has done for you. Take time to enjoy yourself and laugh often. Laughter really is good medicine.
When you feel you are ready to date, take it slow and easy.
Single people often complain that dating has changed and they don’t know the new rules. The only rules are to do what feels comfortable for you. You don’t have to conform for anyone. Be yourself and be true to yourself. Sure you can go out and mess around, but be careful that people don't get hurt; and then when your ready to settle again things should just fall into place.

By easing through the transition from being half of a couple to being single, you give yourself time to make a life that is happy and fulfilling. Be patient with yourself and you just might find you like being single!

Might as well Panic.

Randall — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 12:36:00 GMT

So we have this whole swine flu pandemic sweeping across the world. A human to human disease that is aimed at the gregarious and social people throughout the world. How does the best health professionals tell you to prevent from catching this potentially deadly virus? They say to continuously wash your hands and avoid human to human contact so, that being said, if the pandemic virus does reach enormous proportions the survivors will mainly consist of shut ins and introverts that don't get any human contact. It's kinda ironic. Well, as I patiently wait for people to ask for advice I am also considering other ideas for a website because obviously this one is not doing so well.

Here is an enjoyable rant from Seth Godin's Blog:

Might as well panic

If you don't know what to do, and you're frightened, might as well panic.

That seems to be the first rule of being a member of the human race. Apparently, panicking is an acceptable substitute for forethought, contingency planning or actually taking productive action. We almost want to blame the thing we're anxious about on the person who isn't panicking. "Don't you care! Can't you see that we're all gonna die! That we're going to go bankrupt? That the world as we know it is going to end?"

More people are killed by deer than sharks, but you don't see park rangers running around like nutcases.

There's huge pressure on our leaders and co-workers and institutions to panic. If for no other reason, we say, they should panic as a sign that they care, that they are taking things seriously.

A while ago, I said that the devil doesn't need an advocate.

Let me add to this: we have enough caution. We don't need an abundance of caution. That's too much.

Today is my birthday.

Randall — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 17:06:00 GMT

So yes, today is my 35th birthday. Many of you don't care and I wouldn't either, however, for my friends that are reading this, if you want to give me a free gift, this is my suggestion. Join my social network site: www.whydrinkalone.com. I'm trying to get at least 35 new members for my 35th birthday. It's free and easy to join so even if you don't drink, create a profile because you know me. If you already have a profile then invite a friend. It's not asking for much. So help me get what I really want for my birthday: 35 new members.

Thank you.

Swine Flu

Randall — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 03:27:00 GMT

At this rate it will take over 303,824,640 days for the whole population to die of flu.
Out of all the mofos in Mexico who got the flu and died since based off their official population a little division gives me 6.5%. so 6.5% of those infected will result in death. no matter all the infected people will be at home in bed while were all out getting flat screens and new cars! YeeeeeeeeeeeHaaaaaaaaaa!

Current statistics from MedStor Scientific biostatistics

April 23- 2
April 24- 20
April 25- 81
April 26- 132

as of 17:31 Zulu (sounds so badass that’s why I use Zulu time if you don’t know what that is go here (http://wwp.greenwichmeantime.com/info/timezone.htm)
Well with acceleration of the spread of the outbreak those numbers should exponentially grow.
Swine flu is classified as H1N1 if you’re wondering then yes swine flu is a sub type or the baby brother of bird flu.
Bird Flu is classified as H5N1 so make sure you know these details or next time you wax smart, someone’s going to call bullshit. Doesn’t matter really these are just classifications for strains their common names swine flu and bird flu are just as good if someone is actually saying H5N1 or H1N1 in conversation do me a favor and punch them in the mouth for trying to be a know it all.

Let me throw some of the knowledge down.

This is a Type A Influenza, there are 3 types as follows.

A Easiest for humans like you to get so you’re on the list .
B Oh no someone shifted and it is now airborne!! That means breathing where sick people are makes you sick
C rare and you know why when it does surface it’s like the plague and infects everyone

Maybe you will die and here are the symptoms to know if your number just got punched.

These symptoms can manifest themselves at first one at a time or in a given combination of factors: fever, sore throat, coughing, muscle aches. (Those are from the CDC and they LIE)

More proof that the CDC lies they want you to wash your hands to prevent contamination. That kind of jerk off advice is about as useful as hiding under a desk if someone drops a nuke.

They won’t tell you this but to play it safe and for a more down to earth way to tell what the symptoms are it goes like this, watch for trouble breathing (change in breathing either slower or faster), being irritable (not your period or roids rage), being light headed while getting up, getting confused about everyday things (like where are my car keys), getting a severe headache even briefly is a sign of the apocalypse being wrought on your ass. (These are from my research and I don’t lie)

Death is typically induced in subjects either by respiratory disease or pneumonia contracted from the breakdown of the body after acquiring this strain of influenza.

THERE IS NO VACCINE! Only 2 types of vaccine exist for the general population, I know there are tons of vaccines but their made of the same 2 things mostly. These strains are resistant to those types and as of right now there is no vaccine.

Entire story located at: http://www.whydrinkalone.com/forum/topics/swine-flu-kills-1-american

Thanks Matt.

Brainmonsoon

Randall — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 13:48:00 GMT

So through twitter I came across this cool dude named Liveo. He's a 35 year old man from Manchester, UK and he has a blogspot website that has some awesome flash games and toys. The site is http://brainmonsoon.blogspot.com and it's one of my favorite blogspot sites I've encountered thus far. I tried out 3 toys/games and they were easy and kinda fun. Of the three I played the one I enjoyed the most was:

Flash Music Toy - Tone Matrix, 808s, 909s and loads more, all in Flash.

This is possibly the most groovesome and funkalistic toy I have found yet (well, @alvinx told me all about it). Cubase for the pussy generation. Mess around with all sorts of digital musical wizardary, all from within a Flash box. If you don't know what you're doing, keep messing. When you get into it, the world of beeps is your oyster....

The distance apart

Randall — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 19:29:00 GMT

Hey Ranj,
I have a problem. I've started to like this guy who I met online recently. I would love to hang out with him and see if we really click. The problem is, he lives an hour away from me. How do we make it work? -Jen in Bethlehem, PA

Hey Jen,
I've heard good things come to those who wait, but then again, I'm not known to be very patient. If you sincerely like this guy you will have to meet in person as soon as possible. Either he is going to have to make an effort to come meet you or you are going to have to make the effort to go meet him. One thing I've learned is that long distant relationships, though possible, are extremely difficult to maintain. Until the day comes when you meet, I'd suggest keeping some kind of daily communication. Weather it be texting, instant messaging, or a phone call. You must keep contact otherwise, your interest or his interest may fade and possibly wonder towards someone in the same town. I hope you the best luck. I hope he is worth the wait.

I'm still angry

Randall — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:26:00 GMT

Hey Ranj, A few days ago, "Jenna," my girlfriend of 4 years, told me she wanted to break up. Then we got into a serious fight and I lost my temper big time. I never hit her, but I did throw some things. She got really scared because I used to black out when I got that mad. It's the first time in the relationship years that I was ever that mad.

Jenna went to stay with her mom because she said she was afraid of me. We have since talked a little, and she says she still cares about me. We both said a lot of things we didn't mean, and I don't know how to explain myself.

I have since started seeing a counselor to control my temper. But Jenna is giving me mixed signals about what she wants. This is making me severely depressed and I don't know what to do. Can you please help me? I love her more than anything in the world. -- Totally Depressed in Netcong, NJ

Hey Totally Depressed, It takes a big man to admit that he has a problem and to recognize that he has to takes steps to do something about it. I commend you for getting counseling for you anger management issue.

Sometimes, two people who love each other to bring out the worst in each other rather than the best. I hate to tell you this, but when a longtime girlfriend says she wants to break up, and then follows it up by saying she "cares about you" rather than " I love you", there is and indication that the romance is usually over.Before trying to pursue this woman any further, you should discuss the entire situation with your counselor and see what he/she has to say about the situation. The counselor knows much more about you and the situation then I do, therefore they are more qualified to give you better advice then I can. There are some uncertainties that I don't know about. Such as: is there another man?, why did she want to break up?, did you do something wrong or is it just the anger issue?. My advice to you is to give up and find another woman. She seems to have moved on from you and only trusts you as a friend. Like I said, I don't know the details of the story so seek advice from your anger management counselor and ask them what you should do. Good luck. BTW, don't get hung up and depressed over a girl because its a waste of time and there are plenty of fish in the sea.